I Want To Prefer Me – Wendy Abboud
I want to prefer that I be thrown under a bus before I dare cast any blame on anyone else or seek to color them in a negative light.
I want to prefer that I be crushed rather than seek to crush anyone else in order to falsely increase my value or make myself feel or appear “better than”, “more wiser than”, “more mature than”, “more loving than”.
I want to prefer that I be last to fix and sip on my morning cup of coffee.
I want to prefer that I be gossiped about before I open my mouth to speak ill of any man or women, boy or girl that Christ died for.
I want to prefer to be “underneath” lifting others up rather than seek to build myself up.
I want to prefer that my leisure bubble bath be pushed to the side in order to have more time with my husband or an especially long story and prayer time with my babies.
I want to prefer to see the person in the room who is struggling, suffocating, hurting, straining to be there, feeling outcasted rather than seek to be the person everyone wants to talk to.
I want to prefer that I “see” others rather than be “seen”.
I want to prefer that I “hear” others rather than be heard.
This is only possible because He preferred Himself over me.
He preferred that He sweat blood and suffer in agony rather than me.
He preferred that He wash my feet rather than the other way around.
He preferred that He be exposed so that I may be covered.
He preferred that He be crushed on the cross rather than crush me.
He preferred that He take my shame.
He preferred that He take my stripes.
He preferred that He take my wounds.
He preferred that He take my punishment.
Oh Heavenly Father, I want to prefer me.
“Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.”
Philippians 2:3-8
Quiet Acts of Worship – Wendy Abboud
One day, I opened my mouth to begin praying for a sweet sister who was battling sickness in her household. Between sickness she had been dealing with herself and sickness in her children, it had been rough. It had been ongoing for a couple of weeks. At this same time, her husband was away in another state on a ministry trip preaching the Gospel. While he was out on this particular trip, people were saved and there were some wonderful testimonies of people coming to the Lord! It was clear the Lord had him there doing that work.
As I began to pray for her, the Lord stopped me and had me consider her situation. He immediately began to speak to me from her life. It was convicting. It led to my repentance before the Lord and a greater desire for Him to work within me and bring change to my heart. All the while, she had no idea how the Lord was using her life to speak to me.
I thought about how she willingly let her husband go on the ministry trip because she knew it was what He was called to do. I’m sure there was a desire in her heart to go and be directly part of this work, sharing the Gospel, praying with people in an altar, seeing people respond to Jesus with her own eyes, etc. Nonetheless, she willingly let him go, knowing the physical and mental fatigue it would cause her as she cared for their children and home by herself while not feeling well. Caring for children while being ill with no rest can be downright painful and she was going to sacrifice help and physical comfort so that the Gospel could go forth. Her heart was willing to endure it by the grace of God for Jesus.
God began to speak to me from her life and say “See this life? She was just as much apart of the Gospel going forth as the people who went and did the preaching. As she cooked, performed everyday life tasks and faithfully cared for her children while suffering sickness herself, I saw it. It was behind the walls of her home, but I saw it and those quiet acts of worship were precious to me. She sacrificed unto Me so that her husband could go and preach My Word and I saw it.”
This was worship purely done unto the Lord and seen by no one else but Him. There was no applause and yells of “Amen!” as she cooked, cleaned, homeschooled and loved her children while in pain. There was no recognition. There was nothing to gain from being seen by the eyes of others. It was just her and Jesus. It was all done by Jesus, through Jesus and for Jesus.
In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus tells the crowd, “Beware of practicing your righteousness before other people in order to be seen by them, for then you will have no reward from your Father who is in heaven. Thus, when you give to the needy, sound no trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may be praised by others. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward. But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you.” Matthew 6:1-4
This verse speaks a lot of giving to the needy but the primary message of the verse is that our good works, the giving of ourselves, the giving of our resources, etc. is truly only to be an act of worship unto our Lord. The only concern and delight of our heart should be that He sees it. The phrase “quiet acts of worship” comes to mind.
I believe the Lord desires a willing heart that says “Yes, Lord. I want to say Yes to you no matter what the cost is for me and regardless of who else sees. My heart wants to do this for You and You alone. There’s nothing in it for me except to please You, worship You and love You.”
Dear brother or sister, may our great Potter work this into our hearts more and more as we submit to His careful and precise workmanship.
“Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ.” Colossians 3:23-24
Moved by Christ. Unmoved by Rejection. – Wendy Abboud
At a recent LSU outreach, I watched as a brother in Christ received a hostile response from a student. He kindly and gently approached two students as they were passing by, greeted them and offered them outreach bags. One of the students boldly looked him in the face and without hesitation exclaimed “I hate God!” while the other student laughed derisively at him. Neither of the students slowed their pace as they kept on walking, continuing in their laughter.
This rejection didn’t happen directly to me that day but I could feel some of the pangs of it as I stood nearby watching. Although this was a very light rejection, we looked at one another and both immediately began to refer to Matthew 5: 10-11. “Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are you when others revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you.” “You’re blessed right now!” I told him.
We experience rejection often while being out at LSU sharing our faith. It may not always come in the form of a response like the one on that particular day but it comes in many other forms. Students walk by and pretend that they don’t see you. Students hear the word “God” or “Jesus” and sneer or walk away quickly. Students attempt to make you feel wrong or like you’re the “bad guy” for daring to approach them to offer prayer or to share your faith. You don’t have to be out street evangelizing in order to experience this rejection as a Christian. It can occur anywhere and show itself in many different forms as you simply live out your life as His witness.
When the rejection occurs, the flesh immediately feels embarrassed. Naturally, we want to do all that we can to avoid that feeling of rejection from occurring again. It causes the flesh to want to shrink back and throw in the towel. It can be wearying as one encounters the resistance of the course of this world. It feels as though you’re swimming against a very strong current because that is exactly what’s happening. It’s a strong current that seeks to sweep you away with it, let alone allow you to stand and push against it. The response of the flesh and the natural mind to rejection is to reject right back, bristle up, write off or withdraw altogether. Personally, my flesh wants to run and be moved by even the slightest awkward glance that I might receive from someone when sharing my faith. My flesh wants to end the conversation and literally run away. I’ve experienced this not only in intentional evangelistic settings but also in casual conversation with family and friends when I bring Jesus into whatever we’re discussing.
Praise God, as born again believers, we don’t have to succumb to the tendencies of our flesh or be driven by it! When rejection or even persecution comes our way due to living out our faith in Christ and confessing Him, we can stand firm and not allow ourselves to be moved by it. Rather, we can be moved solely by Christ. We don’t have to shrink back, cower or bristle up because of Who is in us! The initial response of the flesh can yield to the Holy Spirit so that He can flow out of us.
We have the love of God that has been shed abroad in our hearts. His love. We are filled with and empowered by His Spirit. His love isn’t moved or hindered by rejection, a look of disdain or social disregard. His love isn’t moved or hindered by being hated, persecuted or even put to death. This is the LOVE that’s in us as His sons and daughters. It is a love that isn’t pushed back by rejection but continues to move forward and lovingly pursue despite it. This is totally contrary to my flesh that wants to completely abandon whoever causes me to feel the slightest brush off.
Furthermore, we have total security in His love for us. When we know who we are in Christ and Who we belong to, we can continue on with being a loving and bold witness for Jesus again and again and again. We can do this even in the midst of feeling the fear and the pangs of rejection because we derive strength from His perfect love for us and we are driven forward by His perfect love for the lost. We are filled with the One Who, while hanging on the cross, looked at those who intended Him harm in every way possible and said “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” When His love is driving us, we will not only be able to endure rejection and persecution but endure it joyfully and with compassion. It sounds impossible to our flesh but in Christ it can be a reality!
His life and love inside of us can cause us to be unmoved by the fears that the enemy would try to bring against us in these moments with an intention to make us draw back. His life and love inside of us can cause us to have a quiet resolve that is unwavering. A heart-knowing of these truths and the very real grace and empowerment of His Spirit can cause us to be unmoved in those moments of rejection and even persecution. We can be moved by Him and Him alone.