Terrible Counselors – Three Thoughts from Job’s Bad Buddies

Andrew Wilkes

“We all need somebody to lean on…” – Lean on Me (Bill Withers)

Our world recognizes the need for someone to speak to, someone to open our hearts to when we are overwhelmed, someone to lean on. A foolish person will share every detail of their thought life with the world (social media anyone?), but it’s also quite unwise (not to mention lonely) to have no one at all to open up to or receive counsel from. The wisest of people, Solomon himself, said that “a friend loves at all times” (Proverbs 17:17) and that “there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother” (Proverbs 18:24). The happy thing is, that if we participate in the Body of Christ long enough and are willing, God will give us friends. What a marvelous and beautiful thing!

So, when God gives us friends, what should we do when they open their hearts to us about sins, struggles, mistakes, or even circumstances over which they have no control or understand how they got there? The book of Job provides us direction as we have the extraordinary opportunity to be flies on the wall as a man’s life is utterly laid bare. Job’s friends, family, and community completely turn their backs on him. Satan mercilessly attacks him and his family, God permits tragedy, and then speaks directly to a trembling Job with eternal realities and mighty signs. It has all the makings of a dramatic feature film and is a handbook of sorts on how NOT to give advice. In fact, I think if we would do the opposite of what Job’s counsellors did, we would be sought out for our kind, listening ear. Job teaches us many lessons, like years on earth don’t always equal wisdom and it might be a relatively younger individual who God speaks through in His divine wisdom. I hope that the three gleanings below will help you at is has me to know how to be a hospital to those whose broken hearts need mending and how not to harm the patients that God sends our way.

• Don’t talk

“They made an appointment together to come to show him sympathy and comfort him. 12 And when they saw him from a distance, they did not recognize him. And they raised their voices and wept, and they tore their robes and sprinkled dust on their heads toward heaven. 13 And they sat with him on the ground seven days and seven nights, and no one spoke a word to him, for they saw that his suffering was very great.”(Job 2:11-13)

The wisest thing that Job’s friends did in the beginning was to say nothing at all. They were there for Job. They grieved with him and met him where he was at; what a great start! I have made the mistake more than once of preaching to someone who simply wanted to be heard. They needed space and I crowded them with too much talking. If I had simply listened, we both would have been less frustrated with our conversation. Give a person room to speak and for God to do his work, even if it means all you do is listen and pray for the person. The Holy Spirit may bring healing, wisdom, or comfort by this alone. He is after all, the Counsellor we need.

• Don’t jump to conclusions. It’s possible that neither you, nor the person being counseled fully understand what is going on.

But stretch out your hand and touch all that he has, and he will curse you to your face. (Job 1:11)

Job had no clue why his life was enduring such hell. There was no clear sin against God. In fact, Job had served Him so faithfully that he would make sacrifices to God for his children (just in case they cursed their God). If this was Job’s practice, why was life so hard?  Satan set his sights on Job with the aim of one thing alone, to get Job to curse God. Everything hinged on this one point; even Job’s wife tempted him to “curse God and die.” Satan hated Job’s love for God and thought that if he were allowed to bring every devilish temptation, loss, and pain into Job’s life, he could get Job to sin in the very place he was most consecrated to his Creator. How wrong the enemy was!

Instead of seeking God’s counsel for the pain and loss in Job’s life, his friends instead did everything in their power to guess which sin he had committed (theft, ungodliness, etc.). If we follow in their footsteps and assume that every issue in someone’s life is due to personal sin, we run the risk of condemning our brothers and sisters in Christ who are desperately seeking help. Let’s be humble, patient, and realize that it’s okay to not know the “why.” Perhaps this is where we can refer to point number 1 above. If sin is clearly involved, then let’s lead them in grace to repent to God and hear their Savior’s voice for the way forward (1 John 1:9). Otherwise, let’s confirm our love to them and bring their needs before God.

• Don’t crucify a hurting person for saying something rash

Then Job answered and said:

2    “Oh that my vexation were weighed,

and all my calamity laid in the balances!

3    For then it would be heavier than the sand of the sea;

therefore my words have been rash. (Job 6:1-3)

When emotionally distraught or mentally worn thin, we can say things we would never utter when well rested and spiritually strong. Let’s not be the spiritual police over every comment they make. This tends to bog the conversation down on a point, rather than dealing with the overall issue at hand. We have all met someone who corrected our grammar while telling a story to friends (one of the most annoying things in the world!). Don’t do the spiritual equivalent while listening to the aches of someone’s soul. If David can pour out raw emotions and lament in the Psalms and God saw fit to write it down, let this person pour out their heart to you without restraint.

One day, the shoe will be on the other foot, and we will hope to God that our listener is mature enough to overlook a few rash sentences and be led by God to help you. Yes, assist your friend to see from scripture God’s comfort and outstretched hand to them. Speak truth into any lies of the enemy that they speak to you. Give them grace and help. Give them truth and love. Give them whatever God shows you to give them. Just make sure that by the end of the conversation they get to Jesus.

So much more could be said and brought out from Job, but for now, reflect on these things and ask yourself, “have I done this before? Has someone else done this to me?” It’s better to be honest now so that we can be better prepared for later. Someone will one day come to us and ask for help or for prayer. I pray that these few, simple lessons will give us a bit of guidance on how to assist a brother or sister get to their King. After all, it is His throne of grace that we really need. We’re just there to point our friends to Him.

Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need (Hebrews 4:16).